


The Near Occasion of Sin

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Blasphemy, Canon-Typical Violence, Catholic Guilt, Catholic Kanae von Rosewald, Confessional, Dirty Thoughts, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Masturbation, Men Crying, Pining, Roman Catholicism, Scent Kink, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Tsukikana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 04:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something terrible has happened to Kanae and he has no one to talk about it with, so he goes to confession for the first time in 8 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Near Occasion of Sin

Kanae's footsteps echoed through the cavernous expanse of the cathedral as he shook the rain from his coat and onto the pale marble floor. The summer night was wild and raw. 

The church was empty save for an old woman clutching a rosary in the final pew. The scent of incense clung to the damp air like the regrets of long ago.

Kanae spared no glance for the old woman and made his way over to the confessional, and crossed himself upon entering the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it's been 8 years since my last confession."

"That's quite a long time," said the priest. "What brings you back to the fold, after so long?"

"Something terrible has happened to me, Father," said Kanae. "It's a bit of a long story, but it might even be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And for me, that's saying a lot. I need to talk to someone about it, anyone, but I'm so -- ashamed..."

"Start at the beginning, young man. The mercy of God is boundless."

Kanae took a deep breath. "So you say."

"Whenever you're ready," said the priest.

"Well," Kanae began, "I am employed as a servant in the household of a wealthy family. I have always been -- especially devoted, you could say, to the family's only son.

"Today, I was doing his laundry, which I always enjoy. Master Shuu has such lovely clothes, and so many of them. I had just put the load in when I noticed I had forgotten a shirt in the bottom of the laundry basket. So, I went to put it in the machine with the others, but I -- hesitated."

Kanae paused.

"Why did you hesitate?" said the priest.

"You see, Father, it was just a simple white button down shirt, but it... smelled very much like him."

"Like who?"

"Like Master Shuu," Kanae said, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat. "It smelled like Master Shuu. And it was so wonderful. I buried my face in it and let it drown me."

Kanae heard the priest shift uncomfortably in his chair.

He continued.

"And I don't know why I did it, but I got this. Impulse. I decided that I wanted to wear it.

"So I took off my shirt and I put on Master Shuu's. It was a few sizes too big for me, it didn't fit well. The sleeves were too long. It swallowed me up. But I still felt like I belonged there. I turned up the collar and inhaled his scent in the fabric and I felt so at peace.

"And then," Kanae said, "my dick started to get hard."

A crack of thunder echoed through the church.

"Young man," said the priest. "Am I to understand that your feelings toward this man are lustful?"

"Yes, Father," said Kanae.

"You must not give in to the temptations of Satan. He is testing you with these unnatural impulses."

"Yes, Father, I know, Father, but --"

"God will forgive you for these thoughts as long as you never act on them."

"But there's more, let me finish."

"Continue," said the priest.

Kanae grimaced. "So, as I was saying, I was getting hard. It was really exciting, thinking about how he'd worn the shirt, that it had been so close to his body, and that now it was touching me. I wanted him to be the only thing touching me. So I -- I took off my pants next, and my underwear too.

"I wrapped my arms around myself and pretended that he was holding me. He's so strong, you should see him. If ever we could be alone together that way, I'd want him to hold me. But the damn washing machine was making such a racket, I couldn't stand it.

"Even still, just the thought of him, it was too much. I was starting to -- to leak. I knew I'd have to take care of it.

"Just remember," said the priest, a tad uneasy, "you don't have to give _quite_ so much detail."

Kanae ignored the suggestion. "So then I wrapped my hand around my dick and I started to stroke. I usually think about Master Shuu when I touch myself but this time, he felt so close. I felt like he was really touching me. I wished that he was there with me, so that he could hear me moaning for him. I didn't have to worry about anyone in the house hearing me because the noise of the washing machine would cover it up. I closed my eyes and I pictured him there with me, watching me.

"After a few minutes I was getting close, I never had much stamina. And then I came, calling out Master Shuu's name, dripping off my hand onto the tile. I stood there, eyes still closed, panting, basking in pleasure and satisfaction. I hadn't come that hard in a long time.

The priest shifted uncomfortably in his chair again, clearing his throat.

"But when I opened my eyes..." Kanae paused. "Master Shuu was standing there. He had come looking for me. The washing machine was so loud I hadn't heard him come in, and in my blind ecstasy, how could I have known?"

Kanae cradled his face in his hands. "He saw me wearing his dirty laundry, he heard me call out his name before my orgasm, he knows everything now. He must think I'm a filthy degenerate." Tears began to streak down his face. "What can I do? How will he ever forgive me?"

"Well," said the priest, "I think the important thing to focus on here is that God will forgive you. Everything else is secondary."

"Nothing is secondary to Master Shuu!" said Kanae.

"But was it not written upon Sinai, _I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt have no other gods before Me?"_

"No one comes before Master Shuu," Kanae said, wiping his eyes. "Not even God."

"I'm afraid that is a grave sin, graver even than what you have described to me tonight."

"This was a mistake," Kanae said.

"Yes, yes, good," said the priest. "As long as we show penetance for our sins, God will --"

"I should not have come here," Kanae said. He wasn't talking to the priest anymore. "I shouldn't have told anyone."

"Now, don't you worry," said the priest. "What you say under the sanctity of Confession is forever between you, me, and God."

"Well I suppose there's nothing to be done about God, then," Kanae said. "But you shouldn't be too hard to get rid of."

The priest's uneasy chuckle was cut short as Kanae's kagune ripped through the grate of the confessional. The hapless priest sputtered as a soundless scream failed to reach his lips, breath trapped forever in the fresh fold of his cut throat.

"Amen," Kanae said, crossing himself once more. He withdrew his kagune and exited the confessional, walking swiftly past the old woman with the rosary, who hadn't noticed anything amiss.

He hurried down the steps of the cathedral, turning up his collar against the howling storm.


End file.
